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Any advice on how to navigate these new paradigms in the dating world? And to directly address your email, I have to divide my response into two different parts: 1) What You’re Getting Right and 2) What You’re Missing. We’ve addressed this before, from an older man who couldn’t possibly fathom why a younger woman wouldn’t want to be with him. We can complain that the opposite sex is unrealistic and passing up great opportunities – and we’d be right – but it doesn’t change that people want what they want. They, too, have a lot of dating options, are busy building their careers, and don’t have a clear urgency to settle down. Theoretically, this is when want to have time before becoming dads.And so it makes sense – in its way – to believe that our deepest, secret selves are revealed by what goes on between our ears when it’s just us and our genitals, where nobody else can see. Or when his fantasies always seem to revolve around blackmailing or coercing an underling – his secretary, his maid, a student – into having sex with him?There is always this desire to make sweeping judgements about people based on what they masturbate to. Are these the manifestations of an unconscious anger against women?Anything diverging from the missionary position – especially in the context of a monogamous relationship – is perverse and to be repressed at all costs.It’s a belief in society that’s become so ingrained that it’s become a trope: good people have good sex.